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Don’t be fooled! This is not just any old action/adventure film based on a video game! No, siree, Bob! It’s an action/adventure film based on a video game that has Angelina Jolie’s size-enhanced breasts in it. And her lips. Have you seen her lips? Lips and breasts. That’s what Lara Croft: Tomb Raider is all about.
Sure, Angelina worked really hard to get ready for this role. She actually spent three months in every kind of training imaginable just to make her character believable (Really! There’s a documentary about it on the DVD!). But that’s not the first thing you notice. It’s her breasts. They’re everywhere. They bounce down the stairs. They bounce as she runs (in slow motion). Ask any man about the plot of this movie, and he’ll quietly start to drool (though he won’t be able to tell you what the movie was about).
But I’m a woman, so I can tell you what it’s about. Angelina Jolie (and her breasts) play Lara Croft, a wealthy British woman whose deceased father, Lord Richard Croft (played by Angelina’s real-life father, Jon Voight) left her with a huge inheritance and an uncontrollable sense of adventure. One night, Lara discovers a strange clock that her father had hidden within the walls of the house. Only after the clock has been stolen does she discover that it’s actually a key that unlocks the two pieces of an ancient triangle that is said to control time. Before you can say bouncing breasts, Lara’s off to prevent the triangle from falling into the wrong hands.
I was actually impressed by how tough Angelina was in this role (of course, she was a pretty tough chick to begin with). She did a great job of kicking ass, which made me actually enjoy watching the movie. Sure, the plot’s only decent –- and it’s pretty predictable –- but if you can see it for what it is (a very costly display of cool effects and Angelina Jolie’s breasts and lips), you’ll enjoy it too.
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