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Dear Christine,
For the first
eight months of our relationship, my current boyfriend seemed to be a sweet, sensitive
man. Actually, I thought he was “The One.”
Over the last few months, I’ve
been sick and gained weight really fast, which did not please me, but it wasn’t a main
focus either, since I’m trying to get healthy again.
He, however, is very
bothered by it. He has started making tasteless jokes like “What did you do with the girl
I fell in love with…eat her?”
He gawks at other women and says things like
“It’s hard to believe you used to be that hot. Oh well, I’ll think about her next time
we’re in bed.”
He knows I’m sick yet actually had the nerve to say, “I
don’t want to be with a cow who won’t take care of herself.”
I’ve always
been secure about myself and my appearance, but now I find myself turning away from the
mirror. In fact, I find myself turning to the fridge for the first time in my
life.
If this is some sort of tough love to motivate me to lose weight,
it’s hurtful and counterproductive. He gets angry when I whine about things. So, without
sounding like a cry-baby, how can I make him understand he’s hurting me? -- NOT A COW –
STRATHROY, ON
Dear Strathroy,
Of course you’re
not a cow. And anyone who truly cares about you would never say such things. A true
loved one would not do anything to intentionally trample your self-esteem.
This is a perfect example of abuse. And don’t kid yourself -- verbal and
mental abuses are just as scarring as physical abuse.
Let’s prioritize
here. First, you need to take care of your overall health. Then, if and when you want to
lose weight, you should do it for yourself because you want to -- not because he’s
bullying you.
He’s not “The One” for better or worse. He’s not “The One”
in sickness or in health. He’s simply not “The One.”
Tough love? I’d say
tough luck to him and I hope you will too when you dump
him.
Dear Christine,
I’m 17 and need
guidance on coming out to my family. I’ve been attracted to boys and known I was gay
since I was a little kid. This is not a phase.
I am absolutely comfortable
with my sexuality. I’ve had several boyfriends but have kept them secret from my family.
Also, I am very close to my whole family, and I do not want to upset anyone. I have come
out to all of my friends, and they still love me for who I am. Could you please give me
advice on coming out? -- COMING OUT – TORONTO, ON
Dear Coming
Out,
You’ve already made the most important step: coming out to
yourself and being comfortable with who you are.
Since you’re close to
your family, they probably already have their suspicions. Telling them will take courage,
but it’s unavoidable.
I’d start by choosing the family member who you
think will be the most supportive, and tell them first. Then, bring them along as you
tell the remainder of your loved ones.
The best suggestion I have is for
you to go to www.pflag.ca or call 1-888-428-5666. PFLAG
stands for “Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians & Gays,” and a regular reader
assures me that they can be a great support system for you at this
time.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity
guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
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