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Dear Christine,
I’ve been going out with a really sweet guy for nearly six months. We see each other several times a week, and we get along great. He’s taken me to parties and introduced me to his friends and family. His mom is great.
The only problem is I don’t know where I stand with him because he hasn’t actually told me. He’s physically affectionate but withdrawn when it comes to verbal expressions of his feelings.
How can I get him to be more open and verbal? -- NATALIE – TORONTO, ONTARIO
Dear Natalie,
A man who doesn’t verbalize his feelings? Wow! Imagine that.
Sarcasm aside, he sounds like a great guy. He includes you in other areas of his life, and he isn’t afraid to demonstrate affection for you.
Actions speak louder than words. Do you really need everything spelled out for you? You’ve only been seeing him for six months; don’t start trying to change him already! He might not be the guy who will serenade you from the foot of your balcony, but you’ve already met his mom, for goodness sake.
I’d say be patient. But if there’s something in particular you need to discuss, what’s stopping you from bringing up the topic? If you’re waiting for a declaration of love, women have come a long way from the days of courting in the parlour. Perhaps you should declare your feelings for him first.
Dear Christine,
I recently found out that just before I married my husband 11 months ago, he contacted his ex in an attempt to get back together with her. She told him to take a flying leap. He also cheated on me with another ex just before we got engaged, but I forgave him.
There are other issues, but his repeated infidelity hurts the most. I know how insecure he is and how lost he’ll be without me. However, I’m thinking about a divorce because I don’t feel our marriage is real. What do you think? -- LIVING A LIE – BRITISH COLUMBIA
Dear Living A Lie,
I hate to encourage divorce, but this marriage is teetering on a foundation of lies and treachery.
The treachery seems to be all on him, but the lies are on both of your heads. You knew what he was made of even before you agreed to marry him, and you willingly ignored his true character. I suspect he proposed as a way of “making up” for cheating on you. And I suspect you knew that.
Divorce him, and play the victim to the rest of the world if you wish. But be honest with yourself. You chose to turn a blind eye and not get rid of him sooner. Live and learn.
As for him and his insecurity, I’m sure when you jump off this teeter-totter of a marriage, he’ll land safely—if only temporarily—on one of his exes.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at single@keynotebooks.com.
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