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This summer has been a summer of question marks. Could a serious thespian like Kenneth Branagh make Thor a thrilling blockbuster? Could Matthew Vaughn save a struggling X-Men franchise? Could Ryan Reynolds work as a legendary superhero? But, in the midst of the unknowns and uncertainties of the summer, there’s one director who is guaranteed to give you exactly what you’re expecting: Michael Bay.
Moviegoers know that, when you go out on Fourth of July weekend to see a Michael Bay movie, you’ll get something big and loud and exciting, with lots of explosions and a plot that’s pretty much irrelevant. You’ll get a movie that’s ridiculously long and kinda immature and totally brainless—yet wildly entertaining, too. And Bay doesn’t disappoint with his latest summer thrill ride, Transformers: Dark of the Moon.
In the third bloated and needlessly complex installment in the Transformers franchise, Shia LaBeouf returns as unlikely hero Sam Witwicky. A recent college grad, Sam is living with his rich and successful girlfriend, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), in Washington, D.C., while he struggles to find a job that he deems worthy of his world-saving skills.
With help from a mysterious outside source (and despite his whining and inflated ego), Sam eventually lands a mailroom job in a prestigious company. Soon afterwards, he’s approached by Jerry Wang (Ken Jeong), an anxious VP who passes him top-secret information that he says is extremely valuable to the Autobots—information regarding missions to uncover a crashed Autobot ship on the moon.
The Autobots travel to the moon to retrieve what they lost decades ago—but, in doing so, they play right into the Decepticons’ hand, leading their ruthless enemies to launch an attack on Earth and its lowly inhabitants.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon is everything you’d expect from a massive-budget 3D thriller directed by Michael Bay—and maybe even a little bit more. The battles are jaw-dropping, the effects are eye-popping, and the story…well, it’s a head-scratcher. But although you’ll have absolutely no idea what’s going on or why during most of the movie, it’s easy to overlook a pointless plot and cheesy dialogue when there’s so much frenetic 3D action playing out onscreen. Nobody does big-budget action quite like Michael Bay—and the explosive director has outdone himself this time, with bigger battles, cooler effects, and more menacing enemies (my personal favorite: the massive snakelike Shockwave).
The cast is bigger, too, with everyone from Frances McDormand to Alan Tudyk joining in the ridiculous fun. Though many of the characters are completely pointless and some are shamelessly underused (like John Malkovich’s Bruce, who actually falls into both categories), they only add to the excitement. And, as an added bonus, they manage to take a little bit of attention away from LaBeouf’s irritating Sam and his bland (and surprisingly clothed) new girlfriend.
At a whopping two hours and 37 minutes long, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is definitely overstuffed. Just when you think it might be nearing its conclusion, you’ll look at your watch and realize that you’re not even halfway through. It’s an unnecessary test of the average moviegoer’s attention span (and bladder control)—and it could have easily been trimmed to a more manageable runtime. But, without much of a plot to slow the pace, it doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for checking your watch…or texting your friends…or running to the bathroom. It isn’t the smartest movie you’ll see this summer—or the most mature—but if you’re just looking for some mind-blowing alien robot action, there’s no question about it. You’ll get your money’s worth from Bay’s latest brainless blockbuster.
Blu-ray Review:
The two-disc Blu-ray/DVD/digital combo release of Transformers: Dark of the Moon is completely featureless—no commentary track, no blooper reel, no behind-the-scenes footage. It does, however, come with a coupon for the forthcoming 3D Blu-ray edition—the release date of which has yet to be announced—which promises to be “loaded with never-before-seen exclusive bonus content.” If you’re looking for extras, then, you’ll just have to wait for the next release.
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