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I don’t get it. They say that variety is the spice of life, and with today’s “what have you done for me in the last ten seconds?” mentality, it’s now more important than ever. So why any band would release an album so monotonous that it could have easily been played all the way through with no breaks is absolutely beyond me. Yet this is exactly what Sports has done with their most recent release, All of Something. And whatever that something is, it ain’t good.
Following in the seemingly unending blather of the soft pop/surf rock genre, the album’s opening track, “Stunted,” proves to be exactly
that, coming in at just under two minutes and leaving nothing to show for it. Then begins the gauntlet: four straight songs of the exact same pace (or, if not exact, certainly too close to matter), drumming, and mix of about four mid-scale guitar chords. About midway through “Town,” I started to feel like I was in a horror movie, trapped in some twisted psychological experiment to see how much of the same thing I could take before going completely mad.
When “Harder” started to slow things down, I felt like my rescuer had finally arrived, ready to make me feel safe and take me away. However, horror movies never end that way, and neither does this album. In fact, I was barely over halfway through at this point.
With the exception of “Clean Socks,” which still proves to be a victim of the same guitar chords, the rest of the album returns to what it knows best: plunging me back into the horror that I once thought I’d escaped. And although I managed to make it through and am warning you now to stay away, there’s always the chance that the band will make another album. And I think we all know that sequels usually turn out worse than their predecessors. Beware.
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