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I just calculated that it will take me only 137 years to pay off all of my credit card debt—which is good news because I thought I’d be paying on those bills forever.
I’m not really sure how I got so deep in credit card debt, but I’m sure it has something to do with me having to purchase something right now. No, not later. It might not be there later. And look at that price. If we don’t buy it right now, we’ll miss the savings. This is something I really need. Not like all those other things. This is the one. And I promise I won’t buy another thing for 12 months. I guarantee!
Yep, that’s how I got into this mess. I “needed” all those things; couldn’t live without them; had to have “it” right then and there, no matter what “it” was, even though I didn’t exactly have the money to pay for “it.”
“Sir, have you ever seen something so high tech? Of course you haven’t because this is hot off the drawing board, right off the assembly line, custom made to your specifications, guaranteed to work right out of the box, plug and play, with a 12-month warranty, parts and labor, and if you charge it to your ‘Gotta Have Expensive Tech Credit Card’ this morning, you’ll receive our 2-percent-off sales price, first-time buyers discount and only have to pay $11.95 per month until it’s all paid off. Sir, this is not just a wish or a desire—you need this. And you’ll be unhappy to your dying day if you let this deal slip through your fingers.”
I probably should have let a few of those deals slip right through my fingers. On second thought, I should have let all of them slip through.
I got my first credit card when I was in college. It was a Montgomery Ward card. I remember going to one of their stores and walking tall through the aisles, knowing I could flash a little plastic and get anything I wanted.
At its height, Montgomery Ward was one of the largest retailers in America, and boy was I proud to have one of their cards. Unfortunately, they went out of business in 2001. But, for me, Montgomery Ward will live on and on and on. I’m still paying on a top-of-the-line car stereo I bought for a car I sold almost 30 years ago.
At one time, I had so many credit cards that they barely fit in my wallet, and my wallet barely fit in my pocket. I had cards from J.C. Penney, Sears, Dillard’s, Exxon, Texaco, and a few others I can’t even remember, but they must have loved my business because they were always giving me more credit than I deserved.
I never did get one of those American Express cards because I didn’t like the thought of having to pay off the card, in full, at the end of the month (how barbarian). Besides, I never had a job that put me in the American Express demographic.
Currently, I have two credit cards in my wallet and receive bills for five. I’m not exactly sure how that happened (maybe the magic of David Blaine?), but it did. Of the two cards, it’s probably okay if I use one of them, but if I ever try to use the other one, I’ll be so over my credit limit that my great-grandkids will be paying off my debts.
Wait a minute. Now that sounds like a plan! Use the plastic now, buy the things I “need,” and maybe a few things I just want, and let my children’s children pay it all off for me. It’s the least they can do for me, seeing that I pert near gave them life.
The Moral of the Story Is: “A wise man gives no attention to credit cards, but a fool does, with interest.”
