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SAN FRANCISCO, CA In her impressive 33-year career as a fortune teller, Rose Stanton, known to most as Madame Fortuna, has made a profitable life for herself out of predicting the futures of people who pay a few dollars to enter her tent at local county fairs. But now is the end of an era. Madame Fortuna has decided, at the age of 67, to retire to her lovely home, just outside San Francisco.
“I’ve had a good time doing it,” said Fortuna. “I mean, it sure beats the heck out of waiting tables. That’s what I was doing before I started telling fortunes. And I’ve made a ton of cash from all those idiots who really believed me. I considered joining the Psychic Friends Network for a while—the money would have been better, but I wouldn’t have gotten to dress like a gypsy. And I wouldn’t have gotten to see the looks of amazement on the faces of all those people.”
On the occasion of her retirement, Madame Fortuna has decided that it’s time to reveal her source—the secret behind her successful career as a fortune teller.
“Magic 8-Ball,” she said, grinning.
Reporters were stunned to hear that the woman who had been predicting the future for millions of people in the San Francisco area for over three decades had been using a simple toy all along.
“I had it rigged in my crystal ball,” Fortuna explained. “I’d do my fancy arm waving stuff, and meanwhile I’d be pressing a button with my foot. The button would turn the 8-Ball, and I’d read the answer to my customer. Of course, I made it sound all professional, but that’s it. Plain and simple.”
“Oh, and by the way, the outlook is good that stock in Denny’s will be rising very soon,” she added.
And, with that, Madame Fortuna ended her press conference. Astounded reporters rushed out of the press conference to write up their stories—as soon as they went out and bought a Magic 8-Ball and several shares of Denny’s.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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