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ORONOCO, VA Fuzzy the Hamster spent all night running and running and running on her little metal wheel, without really getting anywhere.
Members of the Porter family, meanwhile, spent most of the night listening to the squeak, squeak, squeak of the hamster wheel as their little pet hamster kept running and running and running.
“I don’t understand what Fuzzy’s problem is,” said Porter patriarch, Bill Porter. “She’s never done anything like that before. She just kept running… all night! She kept all of us awake. We’re all exhausted!”
Fuzzy is completely unaware that she wasn’t going anywhere, since her short-term memory has been completely destroyed by hamster pellets. She was, however, aware that she was running. As she told our translator, “OMG! I’m so fat! Look at me—I’m a cow! I can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained in the last few months! I guess it’s because of all the stress I’ve been through lately. And it doesn’t help that everyone else goes to sleep at night, leaving me all alone. I’ve been so lonely, it just makes me eat and eat and eat. I just need to lose some weight, so I decided to start a workout regimen. That means I’ll be running every night. And I’ll be eating more celery instead of those terrible hamster pellets. They’re so fattening!”
Fuzzy also says that she’s very proud of herself for her first night’s accomplishments. She’s quite impressed by her own endurance, and she only expects it to get better.
“Soon, I hope to be running for at least five of the seven hours that my family’s asleep. I won’t need to take as many breaks. I’ll lose that extra weight in no time!”
The Porters are concerned about Fuzzy and her new workout regimen—as well as its effect on their own sleeping patterns. Her veterinarian has suggested that the family keep a close eye on her. If her obsession gets more serious, they may need to consider seeking professional help from a counselor who specializes in treating rodents with similar eating disorders.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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