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CLARKSVILLE, TN Leximulinet Corporation announced today that its search is over. For decades, Leximulinet, a major medical producer, has been searching for a cause for premature baldness. Now, their chemists have found that cause, and the company is ready to bring it to the public.
The new product, called Baldify 3000, is expected to be released August first. It will be available only by prescription for the first six months. This formula will only be prescribed to those who either (1) have a darn good reason to need to be bald or (2) pay their doctors enough. As of February first of next year, Baldify 2000, a diluted formula, will be made available at drug stores everywhere.
And the product couldn’t have come at a better time. Today, people are just plain sick of hair.
Men are sick of hair because it’s just something on which they have to waste all that extra time: washing, combing, styling, cutting. All of the coolest guys are bald these days—like Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, and Woody Harrelson. And besides, it just gets in the way sometimes. It’s just a lot easier to burn things if you don’t have to worry about your hair catching on fire.
Women are sick of hair because it covers up a man’s natural beauty—his character and charm. Or maybe it’s just because men’s bald heads are all squished and dented and bumpy, and they give women one more thing to laugh at men about.
Besides that, hair just acts as padding—when some men really need to feel the full effects of being smacked upside the head.
No matter what the reason, bald is in. Hair is out. Literally.
And Leximulinet is poised to take advantage of the latest trend.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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