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SCOTLAND, CT Frank Zwiebhof gave up all hope of leading a happy and successful life yesterday when Zelda, his long-time psychic friend told him that she could no longer be of service to him.
“What am I going to do?” he asked his sister, Louise. “My life is over! Even my psychic friend gave up on me!”
Zwiebhof has been conversing at least once daily with Zelda for the past twelve years. In that time, she has helped him with every major decision in his life. She’s helped him choose the right career path. She’s helped him decide where to go for lunch. She helped him avoid three major car crashes that definitely would have taken place had he been on the wrong road at the wrong time. And she helped him choose boxers over briefs.
“I never make a decision without talking to Zelda first,” says the 43-year-old manager of the Scotland McDonald’s. “She’s made me the success I am today, and I just don’t know how to go on without her.”
Yesterday’s announcement came as an amazing shock to Zwiebhof, and he’s refused to leave his house. His sister, Louise, says that Zwiebhof had called Zelda to ask her for advice about a woman he met at work, when Zelda told him that she was losing her psychic connection with him and that she would no longer be able to be of assistance to him. Says Louise, “My brother has a hard enough time keeping friends. Apparently, he can’t even pay $3.95 a minute to have a close friend for life.”
Zelda (otherwise known as Jessica Smith) was contacted yesterday, and she revealed that she’s finally received her doctorate in sociology from Yale, and she’ll no longer be able to take Zwiebhof’s calls. “It was a great way to make money—and I’ve definitely learned a lot from that job—but it’s time to move into the real world. I’m quite sure that Frank will find another psychic friend. I’ve already referred him to my friend, Rosalie.”
Meanwhile, Zwiebhof has been reported to be in serious condition because he no longer has anyone to tell him that it’s safe to get out of bed.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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