0
0
It’s been thousands of years since the last great pharaoh ruled Ancient Egypt, but we’re still fascinated by this period in history, flocking to museums to view the artifacts left behind. But I doubt that the ancient kings would be pleased with the portrayal of Ancient Egypt in Gods of Egypt.
Gods of Egypt tells the convoluted story of a battle between the gods—and the mortal who finds himself caught in the middle. As gods and mortals alike gather for the coronation of the new god-king, Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), his uncle, Set (Gerard Butler), arrives to wage war, overthrowing Horus and declaring himself the one king of Egypt. Encouraged by his love, Zaya (Courtney Eaton), a young thief named Bek (Brenton Thwaites) decides to help Horus retake the throne. But when Zaya is killed, Bek begins his quest to bring her back from the afterlife.
Visually, Gods of Egypt is a shiny CGI spectacle, with ornate sets and big, sparkly costumes. It’s every bit as gilded as you’d expect an ancient Egyptian fantasy to be. And while even that isn’t really a compliment—since the graphics are often fabulously cheesy—that’s about the best that can be said about it.
The story is long and rambling and perplexing. Though Bek’s mission to save the woman he loves makes sense, Horus’s mission appears to change with each new scene. And their unlikely partnership seems completely unnecessary. The brooding almost-king has nearly everything he needs to defeat his uncle—and once Bek hands over one of Horus’s all-seeing eyes, the mortal mostly gets in the way, bickering and complaining and refusing to get Horus the fresh water that he demands. Almost every character in the film asks the same question: why keep him around? And his shrugs and half-hearted responses aren’t especially convincing.
The characters, too, are either obnoxious or ridiculous—a mess of random accents and laughable personality traits, led by a would-be king who looks like he’s trying to escape from New York with Kurt Russell. Admittedly, the gods of ancient mythology have always been a tricky bunch—spoiled, petty, and not especially interested in the needs of mortals—but that means that there’s not much here to separate the good guys from the bad guys. Bek, meanwhile, is overconfident and annoying—and, thanks to the off-putting visual effects, which are meant to make the gods look bigger than mortals, he looks a little too much like a hobbit. And at the center of it all is Gerard Butler, who seems perfectly happy to phone in another green screen fantasy and cash his check.
Granted, there’s something about the sheer awfulness of Gods of Egypt that’s slightly amusing—in a bad late-night TV movie kind of way. But that certainly doesn’t make it worth spending your hard-earned money to see it on a big screen. Wait until you can see it at home for free—preferably after a few drinks.
Listen to the review on Reel Discovery:
