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Why are men and women so different? Why is meeting people so frustrating? Why is being single such a hassle?
You may be wondering: What’s to talk about? What’s the big deal? If so, ask yourself the next question…
Where does a nice person meet someone to spend time with platonically, never mind romantically? Upon polling dozens of people (single and coupled), numerous answers came to light: bars, the library, the grocery store, through friends, personal ads, chat lines, blind dates, dating services, and so on. Interestingly, the people in relationships couldn’t give much input, where the singles were full of ideas. But still single!
When asked why this irony exists, the singles could not clearly explain what they are looking for.
The general problems with being single seem to be that we either don’t know what we want or we have an unrealistic or contradictory view of what we’re looking for in a romantic partner.
What are men looking for in a woman?
Passionate
Graceful
Feminine
Strong
Confident
Modest
Sense of Humour
Dedicated
Nurturing
Independent
Trusting
Concerned
The list goes on and on and often seems paradoxical. However, the old adage that men want a lady in public and a tramp in the bedroom has remained true throughout history.
What are women looking for in a man?
Sensitivity
Strength
Confidence
Humility
Sense of Humour
Dependability
Moral
Adventurous
Team Minded
Independent
Gentle
Passionate
Not so different from the men’s list, a woman wants a sword-toting knight in shining armour who won’t take any crap from anyone but her.
Women want to play Lois Lane to their own personal Superman. Men want their lives to be comparable to an episode of I Dream of Jeannie. Some of us want the feeling of control but can’t resist the individuality and passion that comes with a real human. Others of us want to be taken care of but on our own terms.
Granted, we are as different as Mars versus Venus, apples and oranges, or night and day. But think about it: planets are planets, fruit are fruit, and time is time. Are we really so different after all?
Birds are captivating, winged creatures that build nests and care for their loved ones. Bees are fickle, pain inflicting pests that pollinate every flower in their path. Please send me your thoughts on the birds and the bees.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed), e-mail Christine at single@keynotebooks.com.
This column originally appeared in The London Free Press on October 10, 2002.
