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I shutter every time I look up at the movie marquee at my local cineplex and see a Roman numeral after a title, because it means only one thing — another sequel has been made. I never really thought about it until one day, when I was over at imdb.com, and I took a look at their 100 bottom-ranked movies. Going through the list, I saw that a large number of them were sequels. And it got me thinking; “Just what goes through the minds of people who are considered somewhat creative that they must force a sequel onto us?”
Now I understand the basic premise of a movie sequel — it’s not difficult to figure out. The reason that all sequels get made is money. A movie was successful and
so the studios, banking on that popularity, decide to develop another movie using either the same characters or same plot elements to capitalize on the original’s success. Sometimes it works. I can list a number of sequels that were popular and well thought out, such as Aliens, Terminator II, or The Empire Strikes Back. But for every decent sequel there are literally hundreds that waste time, money, and brain cells being made. These are the sequels I’m talking about.
I am going to try to keep my focus on sequels that make no sense whatsoever to produce. I’m not even going to attempt to figure out such series as Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street movies. I think people go into these movies knowing they’re going to hate them. These movies prey on the teenager’s wallet and can survive in that market because everyone going in knows exactly what to expect — dark woods/house, chases that end in bloody confrontations, and inventive ways for a teenager to be decapitated. These movies rise above the normal sequel and live on their own weird target marketed plateau. They’ve found their niche, and both Freddie and Jason somehow rise above and keep the kids coming back for more. My sneaking suspicion of their popularity is based on the hopes of guys who take dates to see them hoping they’ll be able to score a little action when the girl gets scared and reaches for them.
No, what I want to point out are the sequels that while their conception was born out of greed, the product delivered to the public just makes no sense. To do that, I will have to look back at the original movie and ask questions about the worth of making a second (and sometimes third, fourth, fifth, etc.) chapter. I understand why there was a Predator II. Predator was a decent movie with some thought involved in telling the story. I do not understand why Predator II was so bad. I will never understand the reason why there was a The Sting II. So without further expounding, I give you my list of the worst sequels known to this planet.
C.H.U.D. II
For some reason, I have fond memories of the movie C.H.U.D. It was an early eighties horror movie about a bunch of zombie type creatures (the C.H.U.D.s) killing people in New York City. I can’t really explain why I like this film, as it is not original, very scary, or good, but something in it must have reached me on some
level. It had some decent suspense and above average gore. But C.H.U.D. II is an entirely different story. Subtitled, “Bud the Chud,” this movie loses all of its
horror elements and basically becomes a comedy, destroying all ties with the original — other than the cute acronym for a name (by the way, it stands for Cannibalistic Human Underground Dweller). In fact, if I had to guess, the only reason a sequel was made was because of the acronym. That’s the coolest part of the original. Unfortunately, by the time the sequel rolled around (a full five years after the first — I’m sure most of the time was spent on tweaking the script) the novelty of the name had worn off, and they were reduced to creating a clever rhyming scheme in the subtitle.
Revenge of the Nerds II – IV?
I believe there was a Revenge of the Nerds IV, which was made strictly for FOX on TV. Actually, if I had to guess, I think part III was made exclusively for television as well. Other than the fact that parts two through four simply rehashed the same plot (jocks vs. the nerds), same jokes (how loud can Booger really belch), and same conclusion (nerds are people too!), at what point do the tables turn on the nerds? At some point in the realm of the Nerds movie world, I have to
think that either:
A. the jocks will finally understand that no matter what sophomoric prank they pull, the nerds are going to create some finely crafted retaliatory strike against them, involving thousands of dollars of high-tech equipment and ingenious planning. Therefore they will just ignore the nerds from the beginning and go back to having casual sex and binge drinking; or
B. the jocks will be considered the nerds. They have now been humiliated through four movies. When will it be time for the jocks to strike back? They certainly are as pathetic in the end of each movie as the nerds are in the beginning.
Problem Child II and III
I don’t think I have ever seen any of the Problem Child movies from beginning to end. Of course, that’s not the same as missing parts of LA Confidential — I didn’t get lost when I missed the pivotal birthday-party-going-awry scene. I assume the entertainment in movies like this is the physical comedy and situations the “problem child” gets himself and others into. I just wonder how much the average watcher can take before he/she realizes that all three of these movies are really just the same exact thing — except with an older/multiple/more devious child/children. Plus, if I were John Ritter in Problem Child (the parent in charge of said problem child), I don’ think it would take more than five minutes to realize that the best solution is military school. It certainly wouldn’t take me three movies worth of fire extinguisher discharges and temper tantrums.
Teen Wolf Too!
Ha ha! I’d like to know how many meetings it took to come up with the clever pun that is the title to this sequel. I also saw it was effectively used in the sequel to Look Who’s Talking (Look Who’s Talking Too). A few of my friends defend the original Teen Wolf, but I never saw the value of it. Of course, it looks like Citizen Kane next to its successor. Jason Bateman stars as the lycanthropically challenged teen who is on the boxing team. Of course, before he realizes he can “wolf out,” he is routinely beaten and roughed up by the school bullies. Once a public werewolf, however, he instantly elevates into the popular clique of the school, as well as enhances his boxing abilities.
First of all, what high school has a boxing team? I can’t imagine many schools could find an insurance company to cover this kind of sport. In the original, it was basketball — a sport played routinely at schools everywhere. Couldn’t the sequel turn to football, a much more popular sport and one that could show off a werewolf’s enhanced athleticism? My guess is that boxing was chosen so we could see the excellent special effects (read: suit) that transformed Mr. Bateman into the teen wolf — without covering him up with a bulky uniform. Of course, if that much thought went into choosing the sport, then I challenge the writers to tell me what happened with the rest of the script.
Secondly, what idiot would box a wolf? We’ve all read the stories about werewolves and their single desire to kill. Wouldn’t a boxer (high school aged) be just a little nervous to go up against a creature that until twenty minutes into this story were thought not to exist? I have to say I would file some sort of protest. Call me a sissy, but I don’t think I would test my ability against a mythological beast for the pride of my high school.
Mannequin II
I saved this one for last because I am stupefied by its existence. I’m pretty bewildered by the original’s existence, but at least that one was first, and no one
knew any better. But there are people on this planet who have to actually admit to others that they were responsible for this movie. I am sure they curse imdb.com daily, as their names are now globally accessible — no more than a few mouse clicks away. At least, before, people had to open a few books to find their names.
This movie’s plot hinges on the concept of a mannequin coming to life and falling in love with the loser clerk or whatever stock character the writer chose. Only the lovable loser sees the mannequin as an actual living being and hilarity ensues when someone finds him with the mannequin in compromising positions throughout a lavish department store. I just read that sentence again and am disgusted all over again by this movie. Was the original that well received that it
warranted a sequel that is basically a retelling with different characters? I just hope that the people who put this movie together are no longer working in the
movie business and have to work in a department store as punishment for the two hours they took away from each of the six people who went to see this movie. I honestly believe that if Dante were alive today, he would have created the tenth plane of hell for studio executives to live in the worlds of the movies they green-lighted. At least then justice would be served.
I realize that no amount of complaining is going to get studios to stop producing sequels and continuations. In fact, I also realize the reason there are sequels are because, in most cases, the public demands them (Mannequin II is the exception). I just think that some of the sequels do not have to be made, and no one would really be super upset. Instead of approving money to make Jaws: The Revenge, studios should look through the piles of un-produced scripts lying around. I refuse to believe that any of the sequels I have mentioned here had more potential than the ideas in those scripts. And if I’m wrong, then God help us all, or we might get a sequel to Battlefield Earth.
