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Winston
here, coming to you from Deborah’s bedroom. Shh…Deborah’s sleeping,
and we’re not going to wake her up for fifteen minutes. This time coming
up is one of Emma’s and my favorite cat tasks of the day, and one of the
most important.
We’ve been planning for this particular series of events
for a couple of hours now, and we’ve been practicing some of these moves
for days, mostly while Deborah was at work. We had to do it then because she
gets mad when we do things like turn on the computer at night, and she’ll
only get up to turn it off so many times in a row, which we think is very stick-in-the-muddish
of her. Doesn’t she realize we’re just trying to practice so we can
wake her up properly in the morning? Those humans—they just don’t
appreciate how hard we cats work for them.
Anyway, turning the computer on is our first trick for the day, but it certainly
isn’t the only thing we have planned for this morning (Emma’s more
fond of this trick than I am—she knows just where to jump to get that satisfying
whir and that great musical riff, as well as the fun-to-watch series of images
on the screen). We have other things planned as well. I’ve been practicing
my sweetest, tenderest shoulder-tapping move with my right front paw. Emma’s
been finding just the right way to scrape that framed art print against the
wall to make the loudest, yet most pleasing, sound she can. And I’ve been
working on my new move—I discovered yesterday afternoon that if I clink
our water and food bowls together just right (they’re porcelain), it makes
a perfectly musical sound that’s actually just loud enough to work.
With all these moves and more—if she really won’t get up—we’ll
have to resort to something as barbaric as wrestling with each other on the
bed or chasing each other across her stomach—we’re planning to fulfill
our duty of waking up Deborah so she can get to work on time.
All right, Emma—it’s time. Take up your position—wait, wait,
wait—okay, it’s time—go, go, go. Oh, good jump on that computer—nice
light touch on that ON button. Beautiful.
Deborah’s stirring—good, good, good—I’d hate to waste the
bowl-clinking move if it wasn’t necessary—but no, she’s closed
her eyes and turned over.
Time to go execute my staring move, and if necessary, the shoulder tap. Okay,
so I’m staring, I’m staring—can’t she feel my eyes on her?
I’ve been working on my cute face, too…Well, her eyes fluttered open
again but she’s ignoring me again.
Let’s see what she thinks of the shoulder tap—ooh, she’s got
her eyes open, and she’s reaching for her little battery-powered alarm
clock, peering at it, putting it back down—nope, she’s turning back
over—we lost her. So close.
All right, Emma, get across that room and on the chest of drawers. Oh good—you’re
already there, standing in position—on your hind legs, front paws against
the frame. Perfect. Hold it—now, go. Oh, that was a gorgeous grating sound—music
to the ears. Oh, that’s got her—she’s out of bed—careful
she’ll try to catch you—run, Emma, run—well, she’ll just
hold you in bed for a couple minutes to keep you still. It’s all for the
cause. But look, she’s back lying down again. Man, she is not getting up
today.
Well, off to the porcelain bowls for my final planned move of the morning—we’ll
have to punt if this doesn’t work. Oh, that’s the best I’ve ever
done that—it’s breathtaking, really—my favorite move ever.
Wait a minute—Deborah’s mumbling something. What was that? Something
about not needing to get up for two more hours on a normal day? I was sure she
said 5 a.m. Hm. Maybe I got confused there. And what? Did she just say it was
Saturday so she didn’t need to get up at all? Man, this sort of thing always
seems to happen. The week just flies past, what with the sleeping and the scheming
and the practicing, and then the weekend comes, and all of a sudden I’m
supposed to remember to not wake her up? What does she expect from me, anyway?
Hey, wait a minute—Emma? Did she say it was Saturday? Yeah! Time to do
the chase of joy on the bed—that means she’ll be around more for the
next two days. Yippee!
Well, lots to do—it’s going to be a fun morning trying to get Deborah
to play with us and pet us instead of sleeping, so I’ll sign off. Until
next time…This is Winston for “The Cats’ Eye View of Entertainment.”
***Will Emma and Winston reveal the secret reasons they’re so quick to follow Deborah around the apartment? Why are cats so curious, anyway? Find out the answers to these questions and more in next month’s “Cat’s Eye View of Entertainment,” appearing on your computer screen March 21, 2003.***
