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Dear Christine,
I am a single 46-year-old mother of three grown children. Imagine — me — having a 30-year-old man pursuing me! I keep avoiding his advances and dodging his invitations, but he knows I’m interested. I’ve never been one to successfully hide my emotions. Although I am drawn to his wit, his views on life, and his unstoppable good looks, I fear others will think I am a cradle-robber if I allow something more than a platonic relationship to develop.
My friends are all with men who are older than they are. What would they think?
My kids aren’t much younger than he is. In fact, my daughter is dating a man older than him. How could I ever introduce him to my kids? — DILEMMA EMMA – LONDON, ON
Dear Emma,
This needn’t be a dilemma.
I can’t help noticing the way you refer to yourself as a 46-year-old “mother”. Not to devalue your maternal persona, but please do not diminish the single woman side of yourself.
Your kids? Your kids are adults. More importantly, you don’t have to introduce your younger man to your family right away. It’s not like your kids are going to be chaperoning your first date.
Take your time getting to know him. Then if he’s worthy of an introduction to the family, you probably won’t care what they think by then. If he’s good enough for you…
As for your friends, did you ever stop to think the reason they’re all with older men is because they haven’t had a younger man interested in them? Or perhaps they’re too worried about appearances.
So what if there are 16 years between you. Big deal! It’s not like you’re 30 and he’s 14. You are both more than old enough to vote. If you and he are both old enough to take part in the shaping of our country, surely you should be allowed to make a decision regarding your own love life.
Don’t let your family and friends dictate your electoral votes or your love life. The only thing more private and sacred than a voting booth is your bedroom.
Dear Christine,
I am unable to get out and around as freely as I’d like due to extended working hours, no vehicle, and the lack of a sober social environment in this city. A number of my friends have turned to online personals. I have been warned that this is unsafe, yet I have read about a few couples who met and actually cultivated relationships that resulted in marriage. My question to you: do you know any people who’ve found their perfect mates this way, or are the odds stacked against me? — STUCK IN A RUT – HAMILTON, ON
Dear Stuck,
The odds of any of us finding a “perfect mate” are not encouraging, but anything can happen.
Personally, I don’t know of any online happily-ever-after stories, which isn’t to say they don’t exist. I’ve received letters about many unusual love stories — from a furrier who fell in love with an animal rights activist to the woman who dialled a wrong number and eventually married the man on the other end of the phone line.
The one thing I cannot stress enough is: as with all dating, do not let your eagerness with online dating get in the way of caution or common sense. Take your time and be cautious.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com.
Originally published in The London Free Press on January 23, 2003.
