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Dear
Christine,
I’m in an awkward position. I work in an office and am
almost certain one of my married coworkers is having an affair with a man we work with.
From what I hear, her husband is a nice guy. The man she’s sneaking around with is a
great guy, too. In fact, there was a time when I had hoped he would ask me
out.
This is so unfair! Where does she get off hording two good men, when
we single women can’t even find one?
Since I don’t know her very well and
have never met her husband, I don’t know whether to warn her to stop or just call the
husband and expose the affair. What do you suggest? — TROUBLED – DETROIT,
MI
Dear Troubled,
If you were considering getting
involved to help a friend or to stop an injustice, I might think twice before
responding.
However, you’re just prying because you’re jealous that your
co-worker is getting more action than you are.
You don’t even know for
sure if anything improper is going on. Let’s say there is an extramarital affair. Have
you considered that the couple in question might be separated? Perhaps they have an “open
marriage.” Maybe the husband’s genitals were shot off in a gun cleaning accident and he
insists the wife seek fulfillment elsewhere.
You don’t
know.
This is not to suggest you should make it your mission to find out
more details.
On the contrary, mind your own business!
If
you’re curious to see what’s happening in other people’s love lives, watch soaps or Jerry
Springer and leave the judgement of your co-worker’s morality to a higher
power.
Dear Christine,
After reading last
week’s letters, I wanted to comment to Scott in Simcoe,
whose problem was that he loves to dance but doesn’t have anyone to dance
with.
I am also single and love to dance. I’m 38 — an intelligent,
attractive woman — and I, too, have noticed the abundance of older guests at singles
dances. But there are many, like me, who are younger.
I’m writing because
I see younger men at these dances who just stand against a wall or sit at a table and
don’t ask anyone to dance.
Even though this is 2003, there are still women
who expect to be asked to dance by the gentleman.
So, Scott, are you
asking women to dance, or are you just sitting there staring at the dance floor? — GRACE
– ST. THOMAS, ON
Dear Grace,
Good
point!
Many of us should ask ourselves if we’re really as ‘out there’ as
we claim to be. Sure, it sucks to be rejected. But nothing ventured, nothing gained — or
lost.
Dear Christine,
I would like to query
you further on going to dances. I’ve gone to some myself, usually on my own. The trouble
I have is not asking a lady to dance but not knowing who to safely ask. There are always
plenty of ladies, but they are usually with someone.
The way some guys
are, if you approach a lady, you risk some guy stomping up, threatening to bash
you.
I’ve sat down and started conversations with women only to find out I
was talking to someone’s wife or girlfriend.
That really dampens my zeal
for socializing. Any thoughts? — RON – RODNEY, ON
Dear
Ron,
I was just putting the finishing touches on this column, when I
received your letter.
Due to the irony, I felt it prudent to reply to
this.
Given Grace’s comments, I agree that men must not stop asking.
However, you also make a good point.
How can you tell if a woman is
available?
What can I say — just come right out and
ask.
“Are you here with anyone?”
“If you don’t have a date
this evening, would you like to dance?” Then run for the hills if a large angry man
approaches.
But seriously, a direct approach is almost always the best way
to go.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity
guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
