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Dear
Christine,
I’ve been in love with the same girl (Deanna) since we were
kids. We’re now in our late 20s.
Dianna pops into my life, and then we
don’t see each other for a while. When I finally have her out of my system, she pops up
again, reminding me of how much I would love to be with her.
I am in a
relationship right now, and while I hate to admit it, I settled with my current
girlfriend so I wouldn’t have to be alone.
Although Deanna has a
boyfriend, her best friend tells me she’s not really happy. She says I should speak up.
I’m so afraid of rejection. What should I do? — YEARNING – SPRUCEDALE,
ONTARIO
Dear Yearning,
The first thing you must
do is set your current girlfriend free. Playing make-believe because you’re afraid to be
alone isn’t fair to her.
Secondly, you can bet the best friend is advising
you after having discussed the situation with Deanna. Girlfriends do share secrets. She
still may be interested but waiting for you to make the first move. Tell her and get it
off your chest for good. You’re not kids any more. It’s time to stop talking to her
friends and passing notes in class.
No matter how Deanna responds, you
must gain some closure. You can’t continue living in the past. Your unhappiness in your
current relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re meant to be with your childhood
sweetheart—it could just mean you need to find someone else
entirely.
Better yet, spending some time being single could help build
your self-confidence and give you time to sort out your true wants and
needs.
Dear Christine,
My boyfriend and I
have been together for nearly a year. Since he’s 43 and I’m 37, we both have pasts, not
all of which we are proud of. He was upfront with me about his history from day one—even
admitting he’d been jailed more than once for both using and dealing drugs. He seemed to
have risen above his criminal, addictive behavior and taken control of his life. Until he
started using again. He messed up once … then again … then it was constantly. My friends
and family say he’s an unchangeable loser, and I should cut him
loose.
When I told him I couldn’t take it any more, he checked himself
into rehab. He is very remorseful for all the things he’s done and has promised to make
amends and put things right for us. Should I trust him? How much is too much
forgiveness when it comes to the person you love? — SHERRY T – TORONTO,
ONTARIO
Dear Sherry,
This issue is not about you
and forgiveness; it’s about him and his addiction. When he falls off the wagon, he’s not
cheating on you; he’s cheating himself, his health, and his
future.
Recovery programs will tell you that until an addict has been
clean and sober for at least a year, he is in no condition to be in a
relationship.
Good intentions aside, you’re putting your future happiness
in the hands of a man who isn’t equipped to keep his promises. Hopefully he can find the
strength to get past his addictive tendencies. But for both of your sakes, take your
loved ones’ advice: Step away and give him the space to focus on
recovering.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity
guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
