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Dear
Christine,
I need your reality-check advice. I really want to have a
family, and I’m not getting any younger. Because I don’t want to waste any more time with
men who don’t want a family, I always tell them what I want on the first
date.
My friends say this approach is too harsh for some men. I still
think it’s best to dish up the hard truth about something this
important.
What are your thoughts? — FUTURE MOM – LONDON,
ONTARIO
Dear Future Mom,
There’s dishing up the
truth, and then there’s shoving it down an unsuspecting suitor’s
throat.
First dates are for opening up lines of communication, comparing
goals and interests, and assessing whether you have chemistry. Your friends are right in
telling you that the chimes on a woman’s biological clock can be a terrifying sound to a
man. However, you can still get your point across up front—just flavour it with a little
subtlety. Rather than saying you don’t want to waste time on him if he won’t father your
children, why not try casually commenting on a family. Say something like “Aren’t they
adorable? I look forward to having my own. What about you?”
You’ll have
to slow down and focus deeper on this issue. Knowing that a man wants kids is only one
piece of the puzzle. You need time to get to know a man’s character. Will he be a
trusting friend, a loving husband, a dedicated father?
Dear
Christine,
I’m a long-divorced man in my 40s, and I’ve finally entered
into another committed relationship. We’ve been together for eleven months, and although
I am in love with her, I’ve been unable to say “I love you.” She hasn’t exactly said it
to me yet either, although several weeks ago she did say she felt she was “falling in
love” with me.
I guess I’m out of practice because I’m afraid I’ll blurt
it out too soon and scare her away. But I don’t want to lose her by taking to long to
tell her, either. When is the right time to tell her I’m in love with her? And how
should I tell her? — LOST FOR WORDS – SARDIS CITY, ALABAMA
Dear
Lost For Words,
The easiest, most ideal time to tell someone you love
them is when you have reason to believe they feel the same way. If only you had some
indication of how she feels—like if she’d hinted that she was “falling in love with
you.”
Come on, man…she gave you the perfect segue months ago, and you blew
it. But let’s not dwell on missed opportunities. Don’t waste any more time. Plan a
romantic setting, look into her eyes, and just say it.
The first time will
stay in her memory forever, so don’t say it while the two of you are making love or while
you’re intoxicated. Either of these will turn the attention to the moment rather than the
true emotions behind the statement.
Have a question, a thought, or a
story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at:
single@keynotebooks.com
