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Dear Christine,
I’ve always been there for my girlfriend. I helped her move. I’ve been supportive while she was having problems at work. I send her flowers, cards, and love letters for no particular reason. I take her out for romantic dinners and put up with her ex-husband’s threats to break us up. I’m understanding and forgiving when she takes out her moods on me.
She says no one has ever treated her as well as I do. Yet she rarely does anything for me because she’s always too busy with work and family obligations.
I used to enjoy doing things for her, but now I’m feeling neglected and taken for granted. What can I do to create a more balanced relationship? — SHORTCHANGED – HAMILTON, ONTARIO
Dear Shortchanged,
There are two kinds of people in the world of dating—givers and takers. Some of us are lucky enough to find a mutual balance. In your case, however, it’s pretty obvious which categories you and your current lady friend fit into.
Changing this won’t be easy, since you’ve set a foundation wherein you’re an overwhelming giver and perhaps even a doormat from time to time. Meanwhile, she holds the role of a taker. Now it’s time to see if she’s willing to relinquish that role and become an equal in the relationship.
To find out, I suggest you take a large step back. No calls, no cards, no flowers, no romantic dinners, no nothing. If she asks what’s wrong, tell her how you feel and explain that since she’s not bringing much to the relationship, you’re trying to level things out. If she doesn’t change, perhaps you should forget her and spend time with people who appreciate you.
Dear Christine,
I had an upsetting nightmare about my girlfriend cheating on me with my best friend. I know neither of them would do such a thing, but I can’t get my mind off the image of them together.
Should I tell her about it or just forget it? — SLEEPLESS IN SARNIA
Dear Sleepless,
If dreams do come true, you’re all invited to my mansion for a swim in my pool.
If nightmares come true, someone please save me when you see me in my panties being chased by a giant spider down Dundas Street.
Since you’ve searched your conscious mind and you know there’s no reason to be concerned, it’s time to wake up and enjoy what’s really happening around you.
Telling your girlfriend about the nightmare will only plant a visual in her head, making her uncomfortable around your friend. Don’t do it. And don’t lose any more sleep over this.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com.
