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Last fall, I was looking forward to seeing Southland Tales—a film written and directed by Donnie Darko writer/director Richard Kelly and starring pretty much everyone in Hollywood. But, alas, the film never made it to local theaters, so I was forced to wait until the film’s DVD release. As it turns out, though, it was probably best that way.
Building on an alternate reality—in which the United States is still reeling from a series of nuclear attacks on Texas that took place in 2005—Southland Tales is the story of a country that’s about to implode. At the center of the story is action star Boxer Santeros (Dwayne Johnson), who’s suffering from a serious case of amnesia. He meets up with porn star Krysta Now (Sarah Michelle Gellar), and the two begin working on a futuristic screenplay about the end of the world. Little does Boxer know, though, that his screenplay isn’t just something he made up.
Politics and pop culture collide in this puzzling satire involving politicians, scientists, neo-Marxists, porn stars, actors, war veterans, and a plethora of other strange characters.
So why was it best that I watched Southland Tales on DVD? Because I could watch it at home, in my living room, where I was free to scribble notes as the whole perplexing story unfolded. You see, it’s my job to know what’s going on in a movie, and taking notes helps—especially in tripped-out ensemble movies like this one. Meanwhile, as I was trying to keep track of the characters and their relationships, my husband was completely checking out, having given up on trying to sort through it all.
In general, Southland Tales is one of those movies that you’ll either love or hate. You’ll either love how totally bizarre it is, or you’ll hate how totally puzzling it is. I, however, am still on the fence. On one hand, I can appreciate what Kelly was trying to do—and, fortunately, I understood that a little more after watching the DVD’s features. Not only that, but I’m a big fan of quirkiness—and Southland Tales is nothing if not quirky. Still, something went horribly wrong in the process. Kelly seems to have gotten so caught up in making a quirky movie with all kinds of cryptic references (and every familiar face in Hollywood—from Mandy Moore and Justin Timberlake to Wallace Shawn from The Princess Bride and Zelda Rubinstein from Poltergeist) that he forgot to make it make any sense. The message isn’t really clear, and the intended humor is often weak. But, most troubling of all, when it’s all over, you won’t really understand much about it. In fact, when Kelly tries to explain what’s happening, it gets even more confusing.
Perhaps this is one of those movies that makes a whole lot more sense after the third viewing (I’ve heard that’s how it works for Brazil). But most people aren’t going to sit through Southland Tales three times—so most people will find it totally confusing. Even the actors can’t seem to make sense of it. In the special features, you’ll find them trying to give their take on it—or, in behind-the-scenes footage, admitting, “I’m just confused.” (Don’t worry, Seann William Scott—so am I.)
So I can appreciate Southland Tales, with its wacky cast and its perplexingly quirky plot—and I’m sure that those things alone will give it cult following. But the muddled message and unanswered questions (not to mention its confusing answered questions) make it a movie that I can’t recommend in good conscience—because I wouldn’t want to be held responsible for the agonizing migraine that watching this movie will inevitably induce.
