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FUNKSTOWN, MD In a recent survey of teenagers in the greater Funkstown area public schools, researchers discovered that teens in Funkstown truly are driven by peer pressure.
The survey, which was released to the public yesterday, revealed that 86% of high school students responded positively to the question, “If John Kline jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff, too?”
Kline, 17, was identified by the entire school as the Most Popular Guy in School. He leads the school’s football, basketball, and baseball teams. He dates the best-looking girl in school. His parents let him do whatever he feels like doing. He wears nothing but the most expensive and stylish clothing. And he drives a brand-new Jeep with very loud speakers.
For the most part, every teen in Funkstown wants to be just like Kline—so much so that 86% of them would be willing to jump off a cliff just so they could be like him.
Funkstown parents report that Kline is the number-one cause of whining among high school students in the area. Most often, his name is used in the following context: “But Mooooooom…! John Kline has a brand new (insert name of material possession here)” or “But Daaaaaaaad…! John Kline’s parents let him (insert action here) whenever he wants to.”
In a related survey, Funkstown parents report that John Kline and his parents are their predominant cause of anxiety.
Studies also show that 92% of Funkstown parents and 98% of Funkstown teenagers wish that John Kline would jump off a cliff.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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