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It’s rarely a good sign when a movie is given a January release date. After all, January is one of those months when studios tend to toss out their trash. It’s an even worse sign when the release gets bumped from January to August—the other month when studios toss out their trash. But in the case of Takers, the change in release date may not have been as ominous as it seems. The studio may have just forgotten to release it in January. It’s that kind of movie.
For years, Gordon (Idris Elba) and his colleagues have been pulling off massive heists—all meticulously planned and executed. They map out every detail and leave no evidence behind. Only once did a heist not go exactly as planned—several years ago, when one member of the team was caught.
Now, Ghost (Tip “T.I.” Harris) is out of prison, and he’s ready to get back to work. He comes to Gordon with a plan for a fool-proof armored car heist, but there’s a catch: the job as to be done in just five days.
Gordon and his men decide to go ahead with Ghost’s plan. But as they carefully work out the details, Detective Jack Welles (Matt Dillon) isn’t far behind.
Everything about Takers feels like it was stolen from another heist movie: the predictable plot, the Russian mobsters, the cop with anger issues, even the woman caught in the middle. It’s an endless procession of mind-numbing crime clichés.
The criminal characters, however, could have been a little more clichéd—because at least then they might have had some kind of personality (or some real purpose). Instead, it’s hard to determine which skills or assets each one brings to the table (other than Hayden Christensen, who obviously brings a cool little hat). After a while, they all just blend together to create one nameless, faceless, characterless crook. And when their plan eventually starts to fall apart—possibly putting them all in danger—you won’t really care.
The action, too, is nothing new. Even if it did have something new to offer, though, you wouldn’t be able to see it anyway. Visually, Takers could have been as crisp and smooth as its characters’ expensive tailored suits. Instead, between the dizzying, super-quick cuts, it’s often out of focus—just a shaky blur of arms, legs, and expensive suits. Not only does it look sloppy, but it’s also a serious crime against moviegoers’ stomachs—and a complete waste of the theater’s pricey high-def projector.
Without the clever set-ups or unexpected twists of a successful heist movie, Takers is simply more of the same. It’s loaded with the same old cops-and-robbers stereotypes, with a predictable story to match. It’s so predictable, in fact, that, despite the gunfire and high-speed chases—not to mention its attempt at over-the-top Scarface-style drama—it’s downright boring.
Don’t waste your hard-earned money on Takers. If you’re really in the mood for a crime thriller this weekend, just turn on the TV. You can probably find something better on basic cable.
