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I’ve found that characters in horror movies fall into two groups. The first are sympathetic, likeable people, and the thrill comes from identifying with them and their plight. We cringe when they perish and cheer when they improbably overcome the threat. The members of the other group are simply unsympathetic and unlikeable, and we cheer when they meet their demise in, hopefully, the most gruesome way possible. If I were to classify a film the same way, then George A. Romero Presents: Deadtime Stories: Volume 2 is assuredly the later.
Much like the disappointing first volume, this is a collection of three short horror films with introductions by horror veteran/executive producer George Romero. These are low-budget, grindhouse-style shorts, which isn’t a bad thing in itself, but none of them rise to the level of creativity or sheer awesome badness that the genre is capable of. Instead, we have here a trio of lifeless exercises in how not to make a horror movie.
The Gorge follows a young couple and their friend on a hiking trip. An accident traps them in a cave for several weeks, and not all of them will make it out alive or sane. It’s easily the goriest of the three stories here, but it’s handled in such a clumsy manner as to rob it of any shock value. It even includes a twist ending so random that it doesn’t even seem to belong in the same movie.
On Sabbath Hill fairs marginally better, in that it at least gives us a mildly interesting protagonist, who also happens to be the Worst College Professor Ever. After the student he got pregnant commits suicide in his class, he begins to experience haunting hallucinations. There’s a little satisfaction to be had in seeing him get his comeuppance, but it’s not enough to distract from the many groan-worthy clichés that pile up around him.
Dust brings the trilogy to a fittingly idiotic close. After learning that recently-acquired dust from Mars may have cancer-fighting properties, a security guard steals some to give to his leukemia-stricken wife. The dust makes her healthy and, for whatever reason, extremely horny, but it also has some more sinister long-term effects.
Oddly enough, this volume contains one saving grace that’s absent from the first set: a 15-minute collection of behind-the-scenes footage that displays more emotion and interest than the entire collection combined. It’s a nice little reminder that these films, while undeniably terrible, represent the hard work of real people. I just wish that I could spend more time with them instead of the characters and plots they’ve put together.
I generally root for underdog horror projects, hoping they’ll pull it together in time to become a success and sympathizing with them if they don’t. But after two volumes of George A. Romero Presents: Deadtime Stories, I’ll gladly cheer for any force, no matter how evil or monstrous, that can rid me of this abysmal series once and for all.
