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STAR, NC An estimated 984,293 panicked shoppers crammed themselves into the Lilac Court Mall yesterday. With Christmas just a matter of days away, shoppers suddenly realize that they have yet to begin their Christmas shopping.
The Lilac Court Mall, which houses eleven fine stores, has done approximately 86% of its average annual business for the year in the last three days. It would be selling even more between now and Christmas, but there’s nothing left to buy at the Lilac Court Mall.
As early as last Tuesday, stores began to close their doors, leaving nothing but signs saying, “Sorry—Nothing Left to Sell.” Quickly, one by one, the stores ran out of products to sell and were forced to terminate business until their next shipments arrive.
Yesterday proved to be a damaging blow for the mall. With every single person within a 900-mile radius of Star driving in to do their last-minute shopping, the remaining stores suddenly realized that they didn’t have enough products to satisfy them all.
Shoppers scooped up damaged lamps and ugly shirts—all at outrageous prices—just so they could get their shopping taken care of. But there just wasn’t enough to go around.
By 4:00 in the afternoon, it was clear that there was next to nothing left. And rumors led all 639,201 shoppers that were currently in the mall to flock to Hoopers’ Department Store, in search of the last three Chia Pets in the store.
In the brawl that resulted, thirty-six were hospitalized, though none were seriously injured.
Following the sale of the final Chia Pets, every single product in all eleven stores had been purchased, and the mall was forced to close its doors, much to the dismay of the remaining 372,290 shoppers—most of whom began looting the stores, bringing clothing racks, fake plants, and park benches home to wrap up for their friends and family.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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