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NEW YORK, NY The Automatic Tellers’ Union announced yesterday that it intends to go on strike if its demands aren’t met.
The Automatic Tellers, the men and women who sit inside ATMs and give you your money, feel that they are overworked and underpaid. They work long hours doing a boring job, and they’re given no recognition.
“Think about it,” said ATU spokesman Bob Kimball. “Have you ever met anyone who, when asked what he or she did for a living, told you that he or she worked as an Automatic Teller? No! That’s because we’re not allowed to tell you that we exist. The banks want to think that ATMs have big, sophisticated computers that check your account information and give you the exact amount of money that you want. They want you to think that you’re experiencing some work of pure modern, technological genius. Instead, they’ve just made these things that are just like drive-up windows, except you don’t have to deal with cranky tellers. But we’re still there. And we’re all cramped up inside those little things. And we demand recognition. And some thanks. In the words of a great woman, all we want is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T.”
Big important bank guys adamantly deny the ATU’s claims. “We have no clue who these people are or what they’re talking about,” International Bankers Association spokesman Uri Chandler told reporters. “Little people in ATMs. Don’t be ridiculous! Why would we do something so stupid when we have such amazing technology? These people are just conspiring against us, and we won’t take it. Besides, they can’t prove anything because we’ve destroyed all the evidence.”
It seems as though the ATU and the IBA will be unable to work things out, and ATU members will be forced to go on strike—or worse. If you try to get money out of your local ATM, you may find that it’s “Out of Order.” Or, if you are able to make a transaction, count your money carefully because the ATU has threatened to “really screw things up” for the IBA.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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