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Mike Tyson and Steven Segal are both legends in their respective fields—a couple of hard-hitting fighters who are, it seems, past their prime. But they somehow find themselves teaming up for China Salesman, a Chinese movie about a shady telecommunications deal in Africa.
China Salesman follows the story of Chinese IT engineer Yan Jian (Dong-xue Li), who travels to North Africa to help his company with its bid to control a recovering nation’s telecommunications. But his struggle to make his company a serious contender in the bid is just the beginning of his problems—because he’s up against Michael (Marc Philip Goodman), a French spy who’s been sent to cause chaos in the unstable country, and he’s hired a mercenary (Segal) and a vengeful general (Tyson) to ensure his success.
It may be based on actual events, but China Salesman is so poorly written and awkwardly acted that it’s hard to follow the story. The plot is a mostly incoherent mess of business deals and politics—along with some cultural aspects, too. And even the cast members seem to have little more than a minimal grasp on what’s actually going on. They struggle with their lines and their delivery—and that definitely won’t help audiences. There’s clearly a lot going on here—a lot of dubious arrangements between sketchy characters—but the story is hard to understand, and it rambles on from one perplexing (and often completely ridiculous) scene to the next for nearly two excruciating hours.
Of course, the film’s main claim to fame is its faceoff between Steven Segal and Mike Tyson—but even that is disappointing, the stars’ talents underused. It’s really no surprise that their acting isn’t exactly award-worthy, but their laughable performances make up just one aspect of their embarrassing (and seemingly pointless) battle. The style is cheesy, the effects are painfully bad, and even the choreography falls flat. Instead of a memorable fight sequence, it’s just a blur of fists and splintering posts. And, sadly, it’s not even ridiculous enough to make the film a guilty pleasure.
Fans of Tyson and Segal—or just of cheesy action movies in general—may feel drawn to this Chinese crime thriller. After all, it at least seems to promise a memorable action pairing. But the story is such a mess, the acting so awkward, that unless it’s late at night and you’re on at least your third drink, it’s best to steer clear.
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