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The Big Day is almost upon us — the day that millions of Americans have been anxiously anticipating for months. No, I’m not talking about Groundhog Day (though I’m pretty sure that I’m not the only one hoping that the little rodent is going to predict the end of winter). I’m talking about Super Bowl Sunday.
I love the Super Bowl. They have great commercials. And in between, there’s plenty of time to chat and fill your face with junk food while those big guys run around the field. What better time to throw a party?
I’ll admit that I’m not a football fan. Not at all. In fact, I think it’s a pretty ridiculous sport. If I’m flipping TV channels and my only two options are football and a test of the Emergency Broadcasting System, I’ll turn off the TV and curl up with a good book (What did you think — that I was going to pick the Emergency Broadcasting System?). But everyone watches the Super Bowl — it’s as American as Budweiser and the right to bear arms — and there’s no way I’m going to be left out. So I’m hosting a Super Bowl party of my own.
Right now, it looks like it’s going to a small party — six, if you count the host and hostess… and my two teddy bears (they don’t know anything about football, either). And then there’s Tim. Tim’s the reason I’m throwing the party — because we were reading the closed-captioning of a football game while we were sitting in a bar last week, and I got so caught up in the moment that I decided to host a party to celebrate the end of football season.
Tim is also responsible for letting me know which teams will be competing this year — so I can buy color-coordinated paper plates and napkins to match their jerseys.
My cousin is coming, too. When I invited her, she laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever watched the Super Bowl,” she told me.
“Good,” I replied. “I don’t watch the game, either. I watch the commercials.”
“If you ask me, it just sounds like an excuse to eat Doritos and drink beer,” she said.
“Pretty much,” I told her. “So you’re coming?”
“Sure.”
My husband will also be in attendance. He’s a Canadian, though, so he’s never actually watched the Super Bowl, either. They don’t actually have football in Canada. Just hockey and curling. I promised him that the commercials would be fun, though (and that I’d make lots of snacks), and he didn’t argue. Besides, I think I read somewhere that he has to either watch the Super Bowl or give back his green card.
Other than that, we’re having a hard time finding others to eat Doritos and drink beer with us. I invited my friend Phil, but when I did, he looked at me as though I’d just sprouted horns.
“So can you come?” I asked him.
“You’re kidding, right?” he replied. “Super Bowl Sunday is like Christmas! You can’t just invite people over. They go to the same parties every year.”
“So then you’re not coming?”
He just rolled his eyes and shook his head.
I’ve been putting about as much effort into planning our Super Bowl party as I did into planning our wedding reception (more, actually, if you consider that I’m preparing the food myself). Doing a quick estimate, it appears as though I’ll have enough junk food to feed an entire football team. I’ll have plenty of sugar-based snacks, balanced by the right proportion of salt-based snacks — and, of course, beer and Doritos.
Now there’s only one thing left to figure out — which teams will be playing (or, in other words: what color paper plates do I need to buy)? I’m hoping to see the Red Wings play the St. Louis Blues — because at least then I’ll be able to use the leftover paper plates for this year’s Fourth of July picnic.
