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What is the ADD Team? We are a
work-oriented task force whose every member suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder, but
we turn this liability into a Plus with a capital P.
Remember those kids
you knew who grew up hyperactive, unable to sit still long enough to absorb their school
lessons, unable to keep their hands out of other people’s business and things, and who
somehow didn’t get the Ritalin they needed to turn their lives around? They R us. In
case you had some of those kids as friends, and wondered what happened to them when they
finally dropped out of school after repeating kindergarten three times and every grade
after that twice, or were hauled off to juvenile detention for crimes involving excessive
vitality and held until they were eighteen, wonder no more. Chances are good they joined
our team, the ADD Team, and are now useful members of society. Yes, all those untamed,
unfocused and frequently dyslexic kids had to find work somewhere, and they found us. Or
rather, we found them.
We do almost any kind of work. Need a basketball
net installed? We’ll have that new patio laid out in no time. Want your new aboveground
pool erected? We’ll have that fence around your house in under an hour, and perhaps not
just your house, but your neighbor’s too. We are so frantic and uncontrolled.
We are fast. We’ll show up bright and early in the morning, if we don’t
get lost, and if you give us a little coffee, our hyperactivity bursts into overdrive.
You haven’t seen energy like our caffeine-driven energy. Some of us haven’t sat down in
years and don’t even know how. Others seem to be in perpetual motion and will work
ceaselessly until they drop from exhaustion. Either on the work you want done, or on
something related or nearby. That’s fast.
We are thorough. If we’re
mowing your yard, and we’re not sure which house is yours, we’ll mow everybody’s yard
on your street, just to be sure to get the job done. We frequently work tirelessly
through the night – sawing and hammering even if we’re only fertilizing a lawn or
seeding a garden – to leave no screw unturned.
We provide our own tools.
We like handling sharp, pointed tools. We like running with them and handing them to each
other very fast without looking. We enjoy power tools the most, and use them on every
job. We’ll start a chainsaw just to wash your windows, or drive a riding lawnmower
through your living room just to get at that clogged sink in your kitchen. Often we use
power tools just to inspire us. Starting them up and holding them to our ears to hear the
sound of all that terrific energy, and breathing the exhaust for the tangy flavor, and
blistering our hands on the hot parts because that just reeks of hard work. We are
driven.
We aim to please. Our business contracts are short, easy to
understand, and full of spelling errors. If our whole work team is dyslexic, as it often
is, we simply dispense with the contract, and you pay us what you want, since we can’t
count either. But we’ll find out and be back if you short-change us. Not satisfied with
our work? We’ll do it over and over again until you are, at no extra cost. We’re used
to repeating things, like school years and work assignments, and are happy to do it.
We are affordable. We will work for food, Ritalin, or a little cash. On
second thought, hold the Ritalin. That would just slow us down!
If you
are interested in our services, just call 1-800-ADD-4YOU and ask for Bill. He’s got his
DEG, I mean GED.
