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BEVERLY
HILLS, CA World-famous pop star Britney “Shakira” Aguilera dazzled reporters this
morning by getting out of bed and eating breakfast.
The pop star, who has
made entertainment headlines every day for the last three years, has done everything in
her power to intrigue her fans (and those who say they hate her but really, deep down
inside, admire her talent, her tenacity, and her painstakingly toned backside) with the
most mundane details of her life. Magazines, newspapers, and TV talk shows worldwide
have fought, each day, to be the first to cover stories of her family life, her love
life, and her career. And today is no different.
Reporters anxiously
peered through the windows of the superstar’s posh Beverly Hills mansion as she descended
the stairs from the second floor living quarters and went to the kitchen to make herself
breakfast. Cameras flashed as photographers fought for the best picture of everyone’s
favorite singer, who wore a fluffy, pink terry bathrobe (which appeared to be designed by
Calvin Klein) over baby blue satin pajamas. For footwear, the pop queen had chosen pink
bunny slippers to match her robe. The bunny on the right foot appeared to be missing a
black plastic eye—a detail that could possibly be linked to a recently-rumored wild
evening with the hip, young MTV personality, Smithy Jones. She also sported a sexy new
shaggy, unkempt hairstyle to give her that just-out-of-bed look. Reporters believe this
may be a signal that the pop sensation is once again recreating her
image.
After making her appearance, she rubbed her eyes, yawned, and
continued over to her kitchen cupboard, where she then reached for a beautiful red china
cereal bowl, which she reportedly purchased at Saks Fifth Avenue for $190. She then
poured a large serving of Lucky Charms cereal into the bowl and soaked it in skim milk.
Rumors have since been spreading that the pop star eats her cereal very carefully, saving
the fun-shaped marshmallows for last. And a number of entertainment magazines are
working to set up interviews to see if the pop star will confirm or deny the rumors.
Following her breakfast, the singer once again disappeared into her
upstairs living quarters. Reporters will remain on the scene, as they are hoping to
confirm rumors that she likes to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for
lunch.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
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