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Dear Christine,
A couple of nights ago, my
boyfriend stood me up without as much as a phone call. This isn’t the first time he’s
pulled this. I left a message on his answering machine telling him how upset I was. He
showed up the next day like nothing was wrong. When I confronted him, he claimed he was
trying to do me a favour by not mentioning the “unprovoked” message I’d left. According
to him, I was being unreasonable.
I was offended by the way he turned the
blame on me, saying I should know better than to start petty fights. What am I,
stupid?
As a witness and victim of his attempted manipulation, you’d think
I would be angry. Instead, I feel bad. I want him to apologize, and I want things back
the way they were.
I just want us to get along. How can I get him to stop
pulling hurtful stunts? — STOOD UP – WINDSOR, ON
Dear Stood
Up,
The way he turned the blame on you just proves that he has no
respect for your feelings—and even less respect for your intelligence. It is he who
should be feeling bad—not you. He’s the one who stood you up—again—with no admission,
explanation, or apology.
How can you get him to stop pulling hurtful
stunts?
You can put sticky notes on the bathroom mirror to remind someone
to put the cap back on the toothpaste, but you can’t change someone else’s personality.
His obvious flaws like insensitivity and absence of integrity are out of your hands. And
no matter what you do or say, he won’t change unless he wants to.
So you
have to ask yourself: Do you really want to be with someone who won’t own up to his
mistakes? Do you really want to be with someone who is undependable and insensitive? Do
you want to be with someone who thinks you’re stupid?
Dear
Christine,
I’m a 31-year-old man who is physically attracted to older
women. I’m not talking about a couple years older; I’m talking a couple decades or more.
The last three women I was intimate with were all over 50.
For the record,
I have a completely normal relationship with my mom, so this isn’t some Freudian mother
issue.
I have no interest in women my own age and am a perfect target of
mockery for my buddies. They call me “The Granny Grabber.”
What’s wrong
with me? Is this some sort of geriatric fetish? What could have caused it? And is there
any way to get past this attraction? Or is this just a matter of personal preference? —
LOVER OF OLDER WOMEN – WATERLOO, ON
Dear
Lover,
Younger women are attracted to older men all the time. And
older men are attracted to younger women. If that’s okay, then what’s wrong with
you?
I say nothing. Your buddies, on the other hand, perpetuate society’s
double standards and make you feel like a bad little boy. That’s their
hang-up.
Your only problem with being exclusively attracted to women
decades older than you would be if you want to have a traditional family with children.
If you don’t, then your fascination is only a problem if you allow it to
be.
It’s hard to say for sure what first drew you to older women. It may
have been triggered by an early experience associated with an older woman. Then again,
maybe not. If you really want to overcome this preference, you could probably try some
sort of aversion therapy. But if your buddies’ “Granny Grabber” comments haven’t put you
off, I suspect you don’t truly want to get past this attraction.
Everyone
knows older women are smarter and sexier, and their experience makes them more confident
with themselves and in relationships. Add to that the proven fact that women live longer
than men, and the younger man/older woman pairing actually makes more sense than the
other way around.
Worrying about this is a waste of precious time—time you
could be spending with some lovely granny who’s in need of a good
grabbing.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity
guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at single@keynotebooks.com
