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Dear Christine,
My mind goes
blank every time I get close to an attractive girl. I usually end up stuttering and
making a fool of myself, leaving the girl thinking that either I’m a moron or I don’t
like her. Truth is, I’m just shy.
I watch other people talk to the
opposite sex and wish I could be as relaxed and outgoing as them. Any suggestions? —
TIMID – TIMMINS, ONTARIO
Dear Timid in
Timmins,
Shyness is a very common obstacle to meeting people.
For starters, think about situations in which you’re shy. Then watch
other people in the same situations. Listen to what they’re saying; watch their facial
expressions and their body language. Then do as they do.
Also, everyone
likes a good listener. When you talk to a girl, ask her about her family, her job, where
she grew up. By taking your mind off yourself, you’ll become more at ease.
Most of all, keep in mind the girl you are talking to also has things
she’s self-conscious about. She’s probably too preoccupied wondering if she looks fat in
those pants to notice your insecurities.
Dear
Christine,
I made the decision long ago never to have children. So
it’s just my luck to have fallen in love with a man who has two
kids.
After a year and a half, we finally decided to move in together. It
wasn’t long before I saw how he just lets things slide when the kids don’t do their
household chores or have friends over without permission or stay out past curfew or
whatever. Soon I became stressed and angry all the time. I could see he was walking on
eggshells around me. And the kids, who used to like me, began resenting me. No one was
happy, so I ended it.
Now that I’ve moved out, I realize I don’t want to
lose him. But, given the situation with his 16- and 18-year-old kids, I have my doubts
about starting back up with him. His kids aren’t all bad. I just can’t stand the way
their father fails to discipline them.
Is there some way for me to win
them over and teach them about consequences?
Is it possible to revive this
relationship?
I keep telling myself if I’m patient we’ll be alone soon
enough, since it won’t be long before the kids move out on their own. — NOBODY’S MOMMY –
LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Nobody’s Mommy,
You’ll never
be able to discipline the kids to your complete satisfaction. Even biological parents
rarely accomplish that magical feat. But there might be room for
compromise.
Be warned—it is you who will have to compromise the most.
First, you’ll have to come to terms with the decision to change your lifestyle from
“childless by choice” to “step-mom.” You may want to consider seeing him without living
together right now.
If you do decide to move back in while the kids are
still living there, you’ll first need to have a parent-to-parent meeting to discuss your
feelings and set some rules. Then have a meeting with the kids. Get it all out on the
table and try to come to some agreements. At least then you’ll be moving back in with
more mutual respect and rules than you had last time.
As for your thoughts
of them leaving home and not being in your life, I have one word for you:
grandchildren.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share
(anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
