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Dear Christine,
My boyfriend, Jason, and I were
getting along great for the first year of our relationship. Then, about two months ago,
he was laid off from work. Since then, he’s been withdrawn and isn’t interested in having
sex or in spending time with me. I’ve tried to be supportive, but he says he doesn’t
want to talk.
I understand his need to focus on finding a job, but it
worries me how he pulls away at times of stress, and I just want to get closer. Is there
anything I can do? — NEGLECTED – DAYTON, OHIO
Dear
Neglected,
Many people derive self-esteem from their work. This is
especially true of men. When a man’s career is threatened, it’s not surprising for him to
lose interest in everything else, including sex and relationships.
Tell
him you know he’s under a great deal of stress. Let him know how much you miss his
company, but phrase it in a way that won’t make him feel guilty. Let him know if he
doesn’t want to talk about his unemployment situation, you’d still like to snuggle up and
watch a movie with him—and if he does want to vent, you’ll listen. But be sure to just
listen. Don’t try to fix this for him; it’s his problem, and he needs to deal with it on
his own for the sake of his self-esteem.
Be patient; give him time to get
his act together and be ready to break out the champagne and lingerie when his libido
returns.
Dear Christine,
I love my
boyfriend, but I hate the way he dresses. He makes a good living and can afford decent
clothes, but he looks like a bum, with torn, baggy pants, scruffy shirts, and holey
shoes.
One day we were standing in front of a coffee shop, and I dragged
him away because I swear I saw a woman heading toward him, digging into her purse for
change to toss into his cup.
Don’t get me wrong…he’s a sweet guy, but I’m
embarrassed to introduce him to my friends. How can I tell him he needs a makeover
without ruining the relationship? — SADLY SHALLOW – LONDON,
ONTARIO
Dear Shallow,
What attracted you to him
in the first place? And if you were able to see beyond his clothes, why are you so sure
others won’t, too?
I believe you can’t change people, but there’s no harm
in sharing some fashion tips. Next time you go shopping for yourself, ask him to come
along so he can give you his opinion. While you’re at the mall, point out menswear you
like and say, “Oh, that’s nice; it would look great on you.”
Also, just
because he makes a “good living” doesn’t mean he doesn’t have bills or debts. Maybe he
can’t afford to dress like Mr. GQ. You could surprise him with clothes for his birthday,
Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc.
Lastly, the way the rest of the world
views him is less important than how you see him. At the end of the day, your boyfriend
is who he is. If this isn’t enough for you, perhaps you should be shopping for a new
guy.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity
guaranteed)? Email Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
