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Dear Christine,
I want to share my story with your readers in the hope it might make a difference to widows and widowers like me.
When my husband of 45 years died, I didn’t think I could go on. I fell into a rut of feeling sorry for myself, dwelling on my loneliness, and moaning and complaining about my aches and pains. When I was finally thrown into a setting with some of my senior friends, I was shocked to see that I fit in perfectly with those whom I’ve always found insufferable—people who focus only on negative things and never see the good in life.
“My arthritis this,” “My cataracts that,” and “Did you hear who died last week?”
You can imagine how it troubled me to realize I had become one of those grumpy, depressing old people no one wants to be around.
My kids and grandkids used to visit me rarely, out of obligation. But since I’ve picked up and dusted off my attitude, they come over quite often because they say I’m fun to be around.
I don’t know if I believe in life after death, but I do believe there’s life after a spouse’s death. It’s simply up to us to embrace it. — SWF (SENIOR WIDOWED FEFALE) – SIMCOE, ONTARIO
Dear SWF,
Thank you for sharing your story. I, too, hope it will inspire seniors to embrace their golden years.
I’ve been involved in a story much like yours: My mother lost her husband of 53 years (my father). She, too, has opted to live life to its fullest. She’s reminded me that as much as sickness and death are a part of life, it’s not healthy to put all one’s focus on the sadder side of life.
Dear Christine,
My boyfriend is the love of my life. Even though I know he loves me, I have a terrible habit of asking for reassurance. I am always asking if I look OK, if I’m thin enough, if our sex life is satisfying to him.
I want to be the type of woman he’ll be proud to have on his arm, but I can’t stop myself from fishing for reassurance. Please help. — INSECURE – BAKERSFIELD, CALIFORNIA
Dear Insecure,
You need to reassure yourself and stop expecting someone else to define who you are. Don’t try to be the type of person you think he’ll like; be the type of person you can be proud to be. Be yourself.
Look at your heroes—the people whom you like and admire—and ask yourself if you’re similar to them. If you aren’t, you need to work on your way of thinking and your behavior. If you are, you need to work on your self-esteem and give yourself credit for being a person who deserves to be liked and looked up to.
If, after some soul searching, you discover the real you isn’t right for him, then he isn’t right for you, either.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? E-mail Christine at: single@keynotebooks.com
