Read Time:1 Minute, 33 Second
CHICAGO, IL Chicago businessman Michael Jones took business conferences to a new low last Friday when he presented a completely nonsensical yet impressive-sounding speech. Jones spoke for forty minutes on the topic, “The Proactivity of the Synergistic Sanitation Architectural Team.” Very few words that Jones used throughout the speech actually made sense.
“I think I heard him say ‘and’ a few times,” noted one member of the audience. “I think he may have said ‘book shelf’ too, but who knows what kind of analogy he could have been using there.”
“Um, I think I’m in the wrong building,” observed another flustered attendee. “I thought this was supposed to be a day-long seminar about designing trash cans. I have no idea what that guy just said.”
Reporters asked another attendee if he understood what Jones spoke about. He confidently responded, “Of course I understood. He was talking about peace among the woodland creatures. I thoroughly support his beliefs.”
Reporters also spoke to Jones after he concluded his bewildering presentation. What follows is the buzzword-to-English translation of what he said.
“I really didn’t know what to tell those people. And, frankly, I didn’t care, either. I just made up a bunch of words that would make it sound like I knew what I was talking about. And these morons don’t know the difference. How do you think I’ve made it in this business for so long? Definitely not by knowing what I’m talking about, that’s for sure.”
Despite the confusion Jones caused throughout the Wilson Auditorium, his speech seems to have gotten rave reviews—although none of those reviews will say exactly what it was that he was talking about. Nonetheless, Jones is planning a nation-wide tour of speaking engagements. Check your local paper for the dates and times in your area.
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
Happy
0
0 %
Sad
0
0 %
Excited
0
0 %
Sleepy
0
0 %
Angry
0
0 %
Surprise
0
0 %
Kristin Dreyer Kramer has been writing in some form or another (usually when she was supposed to be doing something else) since the ripe old age of ten—when she, her cousin, and their two Cabbage Patch Dolls formed the Poo Authors’ Club. After a short career in advertising, Kristin got sick of always saying nice things about stuff that didn’t deserve it—so now she spends her days criticizing things, and she’s much happier for it.
Since creating NightsAndWeekends.com in February of 2002, Kristin has spent her life surrounded by piles and piles of books and movies—so many that her office has become a kind of entertainment obstacle course.
As if her writing and editing responsibilities for N&W.com weren’t enough to keep her out of trouble, Kristin also hosts a number of weekly radio shows: Reel Discovery, Shelf Discovery, and On the Marquee. She’s also a proud member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association (CriticsChoice.com), the Central Ohio Film Critics Association (COFCA.org), the Online Film Critics Society (OFCS.org), and the Women Film Critics Circle (WFCC.Wordpress.com).
Kristin lives in Columbus, Ohio, with her husband, Paul, and their daughter, Anna. She welcomes questions, comments, and fan mail at kdk@nightsandweekends.com.
0
0
