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Dear Christine,
A family friend was suspicious of my fiancé so he had him followed and says that he has been cheating on me. Although there are no pictures to prove it, I am inclined to believe my friend because when my fiancé and I first started dating he cheated on his girlfriend with me. It didn’t bother me at the time because I was so much in love.
We’ve been together for four years now and we have a child together.
When I confronted my fiancé, of course, he denied it. He’s such a smooth talker, I don’t know whether to believe him or not. I don’t want to end the relationship if he really didn’t do it, but I have children to protect, and I will not and cannot tolerate cheating. What should I do? — SUSPICIOUS MIND – DETROIT, MICHIGAN
Dear Suspicious Mind,
It’s good to have people who care about you, but sometimes things they hear or see can start devastating rumours. If there are no pictures to prove your fiancé’s infidelity, then what is the evidence? You didn’t go into detail about this male “friend” who had your fiancé followed. I can’t help wondering, does he have your best interests at heart, or is there something in this for him?
Given your fiancé’s past cheating and the fact that you call him a “smooth talker,” it sounds like you have doubts about him. Time will tell if he’s worthy of marriage. But since you’re so inclined to doubt him, you should wait to marry him until after you can have your doubts cleared up.
In the meantime, keep your children as your top priorities and evaluate your situation to see if you can be economically independent of this man. That way, if you find that your suspicions are true, you can make a break that will not be financially devastating for you and your children.
Dear Christine,
My boyfriend and I get along great most of the time. It’s only when we drink too much that things get ugly.
The other night, after the bar, we argued about his ex-girlfriend, and things got violent. I’m not bruised this time, but he pushed me until I finally pushed back.
I want it to be like before. I’m hoping the physical fights will stop now that he knows I will fight back. What do you think? — FIGHTING BACK – LONDON, ONTARIO
Dear Fighting Back,
I think physical violence is unacceptable under any circumstance. And in your case, two wrongs certainly don’t make a right.
There is no excuse for this behaviour. Get pro-active with your life. Start loving yourself and stop accepting this behaviour now.
I would probably have dumped him after the first violent episode. But if you really think this relationship can be salvaged, or if you need more advice, I suggest you check out these sites:
www.womanabuseprevention.com
and www.leavingabuse.com. Perhaps they can give you the statistics and guidance you’re seeking.
Have a question, a thought, or a story to share (anonymity guaranteed)? Email Christine at single@keynotebooks.com
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