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Listen – if you haven’t been traveling coach on an airplane for a while,
I’ve got
some news for you. You’re not supposed to use the lavatories in first
class.
Got that? So no matter how many people are waiting to use the john in coach,
and no matter how bad you have to go, you cannot use the first class loo. It’s
simply not allowed. And they announce this over the PA system, just so there’s
no confusion.
My son Danny, on our way to Florida, had to go. He
kept an eye out but never
seemed to be able to get to the bathroom when it was free.
So he decided to
get out of his seat and head to the back of the plane to wait in
line for the
lavatory. A flight attendant told him he couldn’t wait in the aisle
and sent him back to his seat. No sooner did he spy the lav at the front of the plane
than an announcement came instructing coach class passengers not to use the
first
class toilet. The kid was getting nervous now. He was up on his knees
in his seat,
waiting for a vacancy in the economy can. The door opened and
Danny sprung from his
seat, only to be beaten to the toilet by a woman whose
seat was closer. “Ooooooh,”
Danny moaned, as he returned to his seat. “I
gotta go.” He resumed his
lying-in-wait position on his seat, and as soon as
the lavatory door opened, Dan the
Man leapt over his father and dashed down the
aisle. This time, to the relief of us
all, he made it.
So go before you get on the plane, and stay away from
the complimentary
beverages. They’re nothing but diuretics anyway. You can get to
where you’re
going without a complimentary beverage. It’s not that big a deal. I
hate
airplane potties. I’ve been known to climb over the seatbacks to get off the
plane, so I can hit the privy in the terminal.
And guess what
else? You know those scrumptious airplane meals? They’re not
freebies anymore.
Can you believe they’ll charge you five bucks for one of
those if you really have to
have it? Who would pay actual cash for airplane
food? Grab a Power Bar, or better
yet, wait until you land. Then you don’t
run the risk of having to wait in line for
the economy class john.
