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I almost hate to admit this because I don’t want it to
be interpreted as a character flaw on my part, but I’ve been watching some of the
daytime television programs. I’m not talking about Regis and Kelly, Good Morning,
America, or those silly soap opera shows. I’m talking Jerry Springer, Home
Delivery and Maury Povich. Now, I don’t want anyone getting the wrong idea,
thinking I sit around all day and watch these shows. (I only watch them here and there.)
But this site is about entertainment, and I feel it is my duty — since I work
unconventional hours and happen to be home in the daytime — to enlighten you on these TV
shows, so you know what you’re missing.
Some people think these shows
are all about losers and the viewing public is either supposed to identify with them (as
the target market here seems to be people who are jobless and/or incapacitated because of
personal injury or disability or otherwise sitting at home for one reason or another) or,
more probably, laugh at them, but that’s not really fair. I mean, think about it.
There, but for the grace of God, go any one of us, right? Besides, if you pay close
attention, you can actually learn something.
The Jerry Springer
Show touts itself as a show that has never won an Emmy or Golden Globe award in the
14 years it has been on television, and, more importantly, that it was once voted “The
Worst Show on Television.” Yet, people still watch. The show is famous for featuring
cheaters as guests in one form or another: wives confronting mistresses, spouses
revealing secrets that they’ve cheated, an occasional
“I-Love-You-But-I’m-Really-A-Man/Woman” and other outrageous themes. Most of the guests
on Springer could be affiliated with rednecks or hillbillies, white trash, dregs of
society and the like.
Now, I’m not degrading those who are less
fortunate than myself, or who are on a different socio-economic level; hell, if it
weren’t for them, I’d never keep up with the times. For instance, here I was still
thinking that “Jennifer,” “Heather” and “Ashley” were popular names, but no — it seems
that today’s popular names are “B–ch,” “Nasty-A– H-” and “Sk–k” because that’s what
the women call each other on Springer before they jump into fistfights on the
stage, and the bouncers have to be sent in to break it up.
Home
Delivery is another daytime show. A viewer can write to the show and request help
for — well, for any kind of problem at all: new robes for the church choir (but Home
Delivery took things one step further, and they threw in new pews for the church),
help for parents with obese children, locating long-lost parents, etc. My favorite
Home Delivery show is one where a woman wrote in asking for help with her mother.
It seems the daughter met a guy on the Internet and ultimately married him. The mother,
however, disapproved because she felt the daughter didn’t know the man well enough, and
also felt that the guy was just using her daughter so he could get a green card. The
mother refused to attend the wedding, and she and the daughter were estranged as a
result. Home Delivery set up a confrontation between the newlyweds and the mother
with the hopes of reconciliation. The son-in-law and the mother had a conversation, and
it is here we learn a lesson on grammar and usage in the English
language.
Son-in-law: I don’t like you.
Mother:
I don’t like you, either.
Son-in-law: You’re
dumb.
Mother: Oh, so now you’re calling me
stupid?
Son-in-law: No, I said you were dumb. Dumb and stupid
are two different verbs.
All righty, then. Now there are some people
out there in the television
audience who did not know that “dumb” and “stupid” are two
different
verbs. Now they know, thanks to Home
Delivery.
Now, I kind of like Maury Povich. The Maury Show
has many different themes, but the main focus of the show seems to be paternity testing.
If a potential guest is in doubt or simply does not know, he or she can call The Maury
Show and request paternity testing for themselves or their children. One woman has
already had nine guys tested in her quest to find the father of her kids. As far as I
know, she’s still looking. She’s on the show like every other week or so, each time
with one or two different men she lines up for testing. (I find myself at the point now
where I’m rooting for her.) Maury seems to be a big advocate for children, and his show
works toward uniting families and obtaining child support from deadbeat parents —
admirable intentions, to say the least.
Maury also does shows on
subjects like conjoined twins, physical deformities, gender-benders, problem teens,
makeovers for mothers who are embarrassing their kids, etc. In all cases, especially
where children are involved, Maury tries to help those in need. But no matter what the
situation, you can only work with what you have.
Maury frequently
provides updates to let his viewers know how former guests have fared. My favorite is
the girl who was brought on the show by her mother, so her mother could tell her a big
secret that weighed heavy on her heart: the mother was sleeping with the daughter’s
boyfriend. Well, you can just imagine the fallout from this one — the girl was shocked
and disgusted (who wouldn’t be????) and stomped off the show in hysterics, vowing never
to have anything to do with her mother or boyfriend again. Bravo! I say. Serves ’em
right. At the end of this particular show, Maury provided viewers with an update on
these guests and their situation. A video clip was played, and here we see the boyfriend
and girlfriend in each other’s arms, smiling happily for the camera. The girl
speaks.
“Hi Maury! Well, I decided I really love Tyrone, so I forgave
him.
Besides, he promised he wouldn’t sleep with my mama no more.
‘Bye,
Maury!”
It is here we learn the importance of forgiveness in
a relationship.
After all, it can happen to anybody, right?
It must
be the end of the season now because the shows are reruns (at
least, I think they’re
reruns — they all seem to meld together, and it’s hard to be sure). I have begun to
turn my attention to the court shows: Divorce Court, People’s Court, Judge
Mathis. But we’ll save these for another time.
