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Happy Holidays, y’all–
We got us a new neighbor here at the Hoot ‘n’ Holler trailer park.
Britney somethin’-or-other. She showed up one day with two young’uns in
tow. No man in sight, though. Sometimes she rides around the trailer
park in her ol’ broken-down SUV with them young’uns in her lap, and we all
wave and give a shout-out. This Britney girl hangs some purdy clothes out
on her clothesline, but I ain’t seen too much underwear. Maybe the poor
thing can’t afford no bloomers for herself, being a single mother an’ all.
Sometimes this blonde hussy with a droopy eye comes to visit with that
l’il Britney girl. Name’s Madrid, or Venice, or some foreign-city
soundin’ name. I seen her downtown, too, when I was gittin’ my roots done
at the Hoot ‘n’ Holler beauty parlor. (I git my roots done once a year at
Christmas—I think it’s right nice to treat myself.) Anyway, that Madrid
girl—or what-all her name is—looks like the town tramp, if you ask me,
driving around town in her fancy car, all the fellas ogling her. If she
can afford them fancy cars she drives, she can sure afford to git that
droopy eye o’ hers fixed. I hope she ain’t plannin’ on movin’ into the
trailer park. Then that place will be goin’ to hell in a handbasket. Yes
sirree, all them fellas sniffin’ around like dogs and all.
Santy Claus brought Bubba Jr. a new toboggan for Christmas, but there
ain’t been no snow. But Bubba Jr., he’s been makin’ the best of it. He
and his buddies slide down the compost heap. Bubba Jr. says it’s just as
good as snow, maybe even better once the bottom of the toboggan gets all
greased up. Why, there they go, flyin’ by my trailer winder right now.
Hi, Bubba Jr.! Hi, fellas! Y’all be good, hear?
We had us a right nice New Year’s Eve party here at the Hoot ‘n’ Holler
trailer park. It was right purdy with them Christmas lights strung from
trailer to trailer. Bubba had to work late at the Hoot ‘n’ Holler piggery,
but he made it in time to ring in the New Year, and even surprised me with
a fresh ham for New Year’s dinner. Sure was a nice change from squirrel
and possum and all them other varmints. Plus I can make me a nice soup
outta that ham bone. That Bubba, he’s plumb lucky. Not everyone gets
such a fine ham for a Christmas bonus.
I guess it’s about time for Bubba to think about takin’ down all the
yuletide decorations around our new double-wide trailer. We got one of
them Santy and his reindeer displays up on the roof. Of course, that ol’
cuss Virgil and his wife Verna Jean—they live in the next trailer—got all
bent ‘cause they said Rudolph’s nose was shinin’ clear into their bedroom
and they couldn’t git a wink o’ sleep. I said, “Well, Verna Jean, why
don’t y’all git yer butt to Wal-Mart and git yerself some curtains?”
Well, I sure tol’ her because she just spat out her tabacky juice and
stomped back into her trailer. She only goes to the Dollar Store
anyway—says Wal-Mart’s too pricey. Some folks—always complainin’.
Anyhoo, I just wanted to wish y’all a Happy New Year. Y’all take care,
and stop by for a visit, if’n you git a hankerin’ for some ham bone soup.
