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If I see another picture of that Suri Cruise kid with a bottle in her
mouth, I might have to fire off a strongly-worded memo to Tom and Katie.
That kid’s been on a bottle for too long. But hey, don’t listen to me,
Tom and Katie. Just wait until you get the orthodontist’s bill.
****
And what about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie constantly carrying those kids
around? They’re all old enough to walk, aren’t they? Those kids are all
going to look like they just got off a horse, after being carted around on
someone’s hip all the time.
*****
Hey, what do you make of Amy Winehouse and her husband, Blake
Fielder-Civil? What a couple of birds. All I knew about Amy Winehouse is
that she sings that horrible “Rehab” song. Inspirational, it
ain’t.
These two are apparently so far gone into heavy drugdom that their parents
are making impassioned pleas for the couple to clean themselves up. Amy
and Blake, it seems, don’t feel that either of them have a drug problem.
They’ve quit rehab twice.
Recently, the two had some sort of brawl in their London hotel room after
Blake caught Amy doing drugs with a prostitute. He had scratches and
bruises and she had black eyes.
Sounds like another Sid Vicious-Nancy Spungeon relationship. That’s
scary.
****
Happy-go-lucky Owen Wilson attempted suicide, credited to a drug problem.
Who knew?
*****
Nicky and Paris Hilton have both come out with new fashion lines. Do you
think they’re uniforms for the residents of Paris’s “transitional housing”
for recidivist female prisoners? I haven’t heard anything about
that project getting off the ground.
P.S. O.J. is still looking for the real killer. Just in case you
were wondering.
*****
Lindsay Lohan had a dirty drug test in rehab. Is there any hope for this
young woman?
*****
Hey, guess who’s in jail for domestic violence? El DeBarge. Remember
him? He had that big hit “Rhythm of the Night” in the late 1980s and was
briefly married to Janet Jackson.
*****
Wayne Newton (“Mr. Las Vegas”) is going to be on the next season of Dancing With the Stars.
What’s next, Wayne? Cruise ships?
******
The court files in the Britney Spears-Kevin Federline divorce indicate
allegations of child neglect. Apparently, the little Federline kids have
poor dental hygiene and bad eating and sleeping habits. Those poor little
kids.
You can take the parents out of the trailer park. Yada, yada yada.
******
British medium Dilys Gater, author of a “psychic biography” about the late
Gone With the Wind star Vivien Leigh, claims he’s communicated with
Ms. Leigh in the afterlife, and the late actress is not at all happy in
the Great Beyond. Gater claims Leigh told him, “There aren’t any working
men’s clubs or stand-up comics here.”
Hmmm boy…they’re out there, aren’t they?
*****
Finally, congratulations to Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady on the birth of their
baby boy. So can we be done now? For the love of Pete, all this woman
did was parade around, showing her pregnant belly to paparazzi everywhere.
Like no one else in the world has ever been pregnant.
Hey, Bridget—been there, done that.
Stay tuned for more buzz.
